In depth: Journey into the perils of gambling addiction ends with recovery

His story is part on an education program to de-stigmatise the public health issue of gambling and gambling harms is being rolled across NSW with funding from the NSW Responsible Gambling Fund.

The Consumer Voices community education program aims to increase awareness of gambling harms, open discussion about potential risks and help community services organisations identify and respond to gambling harms in the community.

For more information contact Dr Kate Roberts 0401 370 042 or email info@gisnsw.org.

More information about the program can be viewed at http://gisnsw.org.au/consumer-voice/ or go here more information.

We will let the man speak for himself - here is his story.

"I woke up on Christmas Eve 2017 and wish I hadn't.

That was my rock-bottom and I'm telling my story of gambling addiction, harm and recovery in the hopes it will inspire others to speak up and seek help before they suffer great loss and hardship as I did.

I'm a 49 year-old man who had my first bet at around 20 years of age because I had friends who were into betting on the horses and the whole notion of drinking and gambling is so normalised and almost expected in Australian society.

For the first 10 years it wasn't an issue for me as I just bet occasionally on big race days and didn't really exceed my means or suffer harms but in my 30's I began to become quite passionate about it, consuming myself in horse racing.

I spent hours doing form and for a couple of years would spend most Saturdays on track in Wollongong or Sydney, betting directly with on-course bookmakers as I could get better prices with them than by betting via the TAB in a pub or club.

This was prior to the advent of online betting and what strikes me now is that there were always boundaries around access in these days. After the last city race, that was it. I would go home whether I won or loss. I was also limited to whatever cash I had in my wallet or what I could withdraw from an ATM in any 24-hour period.

In 2012 I opened my first online sports betting account which meant that there were really no limits, boundaries or end-point to what I could bet on and how much I could spend.

There are now tighter restrictions with banks, but just five-to-10 years ago I could deposit my entire credit card limit (which was $22K) straight into my betting account and essentially bet on credit.

Stopping became a challenge. When I won, I felt I could just go on winning so I never withdrew money back into my bank account, instead opting to leave it in my betting account to continue betting.

On the flip-side if I lost, I always felt I could get it back and in the world of online betting I could bet on anything, anywhere in the world. And I did. Greyhounds, trotters and all manner of sports.

From 2012 - 2018 was my darkest period. I lost upwards of 100K, leaning on my retired mother to lend me money from her super account to cover my debt and re-drawing from my home mortgage. I was guilty, ashamed, constantly anxious and felt I couldn't speak to my wife or friends about what I was going through.

I was depressed and suicidal at times [Numbers to call for help if this has raised issues includes Lifeline 13 11 14, Kids Helpline 1800 551 800, MensLine Australia 1300 789 978, Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 andBeyond Blue 1300 22 46 36].

The worse I felt and the more money I lost, the more desperate I became and the more I hated myself. My only coping mechanism at the time was to escape back into drinking and gambling so without knowing at the time I was basically digging myself further and further into a hole.

When I awoke on Christmas Eve, 2017 I had lost $25K in one session just hours earlier. I had drained my mother's super account of $85K over the last four years and was a further $30K in debt on credit cards. Not to mention the money I had withdrawn from my mortgage which my wife knew nothing about.

I had nowhere left to turn and was forced to accept I had a problem and take accountability. Within a week I told my wife who despite being bitterly disappointed and heart-broken at the deceit she supported me emotionally and financially.

Within days I was in gambling counselling via the Gambling Hotline who referred me to a local Mission Australia Service. It was free, discreet and very helpful in overcoming what was now a crisis situation. They arranged financial counselling and with their help I very quickly implemented harm minimisation strategies.

These included, limiting access to funds, sharing bank statements with my wife to stay accountable, not going to particular venues with certain people, reducing my credit card limit, self-exclusion from venues and even installing blocking programs on my mobile devices.

Despite my progress and my wife's support, the whole situation put a lot of strain on my relationship and my wife and I argued frequently over the next six months which resulted in a number of lapses on my part. After one of these my wife finally gave up on me and handed me her wedding ring.

These lapses also led me to an old friend of mine who recognised the trouble I was in one night and instead of lending me money as I'd asked, told me about a local rehab program he had completed. He told me he wanted to help me and that very night in the late hours inside a pub, got on his phone and made an app for me to see my GP on Monday morning so I could get referred to the rehab facility.

Within weeks I arrived at the three week in-patient facility and this experience changed my life entirely. It provided a forced escape from the vicious cycle I was in of depression and escapism to behaviours that only made everything worse.

I couldn't drink or gamble and all I had to worry about for that time was learning and recovery. I was fed, housed and had qualified mental health addiction support staff around me. Through the program I learnt about my triggers and how to better challenge and control my emotions, thoughts and actions.

For the first time in years, it also afforded me the unclouded time and space I needed to look at why I was doing what I was doing. For the first time I realised how unhappy I was in so many areas of my life. My work, myself, my marriage. I learnt about the value of diet, exercise and sleep hygiene.

I learnt about mindfulness and gratitude and realised I had been trying to run away from and avoid my problems instead of making positive decisions to change my situation. I was chasing happiness and fulfilment in all the wrong places and environments when the true source of true happiness was all around me and within me all along.

I immediately started on the journey of identifying the negatives and making changes such as diet, exercise, sleep, self-awareness, gratitude and mindfulness. I removed myself from toxic environments and workplaces and began focusing on doing whatever I could to help others including volunteering with the Gambling Impact Society as a Lived Experience Speaker and becoming a Community Project and Youth Worker with a local charity.

I worked less and spent more time on my own wellbeing and with my son and quickly appreciated everything I had.

As I changed everything within my control to be happier and more fulfilled, my desire to chase thrills via drinking and gambling naturally started to diminish until it nearly faded away completely.

That said I have had lapses since rehab, but I now have the knowledge and understanding to understand the difference between a lapse and a re-lapse and instead of beating myself up I now look at the progress I have made despite the lapse and take learnings from the experience. I look at where I was, who I was with, the circumstances and situation that led to me lapsing so I can more

self-aware and avoid making the same mistakes moving forward.

My work as a Lived Experience Speaker helps to keep me on track, and I derive fulfilment knowing I'm helping to raise awareness and educate people on the dangers and risks of gambling.

My marriage is now over and I share custody of my 11 year old son with my ex-wife, but I am happier than I have been and live from day to day fully appreciating the many wonderful people in my life and the beauty of the world around me.

There are so many people suffering in this country as a result of gambling harm and my hope is they will realise there is help available and also understand the importance of speaking up as soon as gambling negatively impacts them in any way shape or form."