During lockdown I've been rethinking my position on crystals.
You've been sitting on crystals while you think? I've heard Britney Spears does that.
No, but Britney is relevant to this conversation. Celebs are giving crystals a bad rap. Katy Perry believes hers attract men.
Lady Gaga got nude and hugged a giant rose quartz. Adele says she has hiccups without her crystals. Kim Kardashian sells crystal-themed perfume.
And remember Heidi and Spencer Pratt from The Hills? Their son Gunner's 2017 birth was surrounded by more than $50,000 of crystals, and Daddy has a $1 million collection.
You're forgetting the ultimate celeb schlock rock: Gwyneth Paltrow's notorious Jade Egg, which promised all kinds of healing benefits when worn where the sun don't shine. I recall there was a lawsuit.
Exactly. Famous people have done for crystals what they've also done for painkillers, tiny dogs and Buddhism. And lockdown's only made it worse. In LA, the rich and famous are filling their homes with boulder-sized "status crystals" costing six-figure sums.
Of course. Why carry it in your purse when you can use it as a throne?
But crystals don't deserve this. They're beautiful, they're benign, and they're from the earth, which is more than I can say about my smartphone.
Please don't tell me you're about to go all Gwyneth on me.
No. But I'm enjoying a new book called Rock On by Kate Mantello, an Australian crystal expert. She's a "spiritual rebel" and her guide to gemstones and their various vibes is surprisingly down to earth.
She doesn't try to sell you a sofa-sized amethyst, but makes a great case for having a little one to hold for extra serenity while you breathe deeply.
And whether it's the fetching pink hue or a deeper love emanating from its core, rose quartz does somehow make me feel happy.
Any hard evidence that crystals do more than decorate?
Modern medicine isn't coming to the gemstone party. But it's worth remembering that in 1880 physicist Pierre Curie discovered crystals could transmit electricity.
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The computer and electronics industry depends upon crystal technology. So perhaps we shouldn't underestimate the juju of gemstones.
Plus they look so very pretty. I reckon it's time to rock n' roll.
- Amy Cooper is a journalist who embraces wellness, but has also used kale to garnish a cocktail.