October 2020 Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: Baby Kora's story

Surfing lessons, fashionable outfits and family outings were already planned for their daughter Kora, who was stillborn less than three weeks before her due date.

Kora died from a true knot in the umbilical chord at 37.5 weeks.

Ms Lantouris shares her story for October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, hoping to help others and raise awareness in the community.

What hurt the Surfside couple the most, was having plans to welcome their baby girl crushed.

"We planned so much of our lives around her," Ms Lantouris said.

"To have her taken from us so soon without any indication of what was wrong, really got to us.

"I was quite content with becoming a mum; I have done my travel and knew after everything I have done in my life, being a mother was the next step.

"He (Charley) was planning to take her surfing and bike riding and hopefully give her the best possible upbringing just as my parents did for me.

"We worked so hard and prepared mentally to have her - all our hard work was for nothing."

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Living in a rural community, Ms Lantouris said stillbirths were not commonly talked about. She had no idea something could go wrong.

"I had a textbook pregnancy; there was no indication something was wrong," she said.

"I had no idea things like this could happen, I thought 'what could possibly go wrong?'.

It was the morning of Monday, July 13, when Ms Lantouris felt something was not right.

"I woke up and didn't feel any movement, I thought maybe, as the baby is getting bigger and in different positions, she wouldn't be moving as much," she said.

"It wasn't until that night after I ate dinner that I still hadn't felt any movement.

"I started to panic."

The couple contacted their midwife and was told to go to hospital.

"They took us in straight away to try to find the baby's heartbeat," Ms Lantouris said.

Then came gut-wrenching news.

"They told us there was no heartbeat," she said.

It was 10pm, and an obstetrician was called in.

"It felt like the longest 15 minutes of my life waiting for the obstetrician to arrive," Ms Lantouris said.

"The obstetrician proceeded to do a bedside ultrasound where he found no heartbeat.

"We were in complete shock as we couldn't comprehend what had happened. How could this happen? Why is this happening? Is this a mistake? We didn't understand."

Shattered, the couple decided to go home, returning the next day for the final ultrasound confirming no signs of life.

"We had to make the decision on how we would deliver the baby," Ms Lantouris said.

"I thought I had come this far and wanted a natural birth.

"I felt I owed it to myself to go through the natural process."

On Wednesday, July 15, Kora was born.

"I didn't even know if I wanted to hold her, or if I had to hold her," Ms Lantouris said.

"But I am glad I did, otherwise I would have regretted it for the rest of my life."

After carrying a baby for nine months, Ms Lantouris needed closure.

"Whether she was alive or not, we wanted to have those memories; it was closure for us.

"Charley was by my side and needed to see that too and be part of it for our grieving process."

A cold cot preserved Kora's body, allowing them to spend the day together.

"The staff at Moruya hospital was amazing and accommodating, they made the worst situation into the best and were able to attend to every possible need we had," Ms Lantouris said.

"They said we could have Kora for as long as possible, so we had her all day."

After the delivery, Ms Lantouris was told Kora's death was caused by a true knot in the umbilical cord.

"A true knot causes the cord to compress, which restricts blood and oxygen causing the baby to pass due to hypoxia," Ms Lantouris said.

"We were lucky enough to receive an answer, but up to 20 percent of women don't receive any type of answer."

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Ms Lantouris said it was difficult finding support after the stillbirth.

She sought comfort through social media.

"We were given a councillor, but there's no support groups or websites of forums where you could talk to people going through the same situation," she said.

"After all this has happened, I have taken to Instagram and tried to seek comfort."

She then discovered the Stillbirth Foundation and wanted to help.

"I am fundraising for their recent campaign, 2200 angels, where they're aiming to raise $200,000 to fund projects that can find a cause and prevention," Ms Lantouris said.

She has raised more than $4000.

To donate, CLICK HERE, or visit her Facebook page.

"I think education is really important throughout pregnancy, which is why I opted for private care," she said.

"I was lucky enough to have midwife Clare Burke from The Nest throughout the whole pregnancy.

"She was so knowledgeable, kind and caring; it really made a world of difference.

"As important as it is to have someone there, it's also as important that you are aware yourself of your baby's movements and can identify when things might feel different.

"There are plenty of resources online that you are able to read and familiarise yourself with so that you are prepared for any situation throughout your pregnancy."

Some helpful websites for Ms Lantouris were: