Hands up if you know what The Lodge looks like. Nup? Same here. Could you describe just one of its features or even the colour it's painted? Me neither, at least not until I Googled it. That's because you and I have never and will never set foot inside the Prime Minister's Canberra residence.
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But I also reckon the reason we're in the dark about The Lodge is because it's overshadowed by Australia's embarrassment of world famous architectural riches. Compared to the Opera House, the Harbour Bridge, the MCG, Parliament House and, of course, Shellharbour City Hub, a relatively unremarkable house in the Canberra 'burbs is hardly going to make anyone's bucket list.
The White House or 10 Downing Street it most certainly is not.
This week, however, we were given an extremely rare look inside The Lodge when Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull's wife Lucy threw open the doors to the media so us lowly taxpayers could see the fruits of a just-completed two year renovation, albeit one instigated by Labor ex-PM Julia Gillard.
It was a magnanimous gesture by Mrs Turnbull, considering the hard-working men and women of Australia footed the bill to spruce up her new digs.
The $9.4 million bill, that is.
THE NINE MILLION, FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR BILL!
Just to be clear, this gargantuan wedge of our cash wasn't spent constructing a new palace from imported Italian marble, nor lining the driveway with crushed moon rocks - it was spent on a freakin' reno and some refurbishments.
Yes, there were some health and safety improvements like upgrading ancient wiring, removing vast sheets of asbestos (been there) and fixing up the leaky, dilapidated roof. But Ms Gillard's successor Tony Abbott - who was shafted by Turnbull before he could move into The Lodge (LOL!) - added a major security upgrade plus renos of the bathrooms and kitchen to the list. Probably because he didn't have to pay for it.
Yet this week bureaucrats played down the $9,400,000 price tag. The Lodge is "not grand" insisted Elizabeth Kelly from the Prime Minister's Department. "The design of it is just a suburban house with a few more rooms."
Eh? That's not what the PM said. "[The Lodge] is very large with lots of rooms and corridors," Mr Turnbull observed. Forty rooms, to be precise. Plus a pool, tennis court and croquet lawn, all sown into 4.4 acres of landscaped gardens. You know! Just a suburban house! With a few more rooms!
To put the cost into a perspective actual humans can understand, during the height of the reno the median house price in the Wollongong local government area was $520,000. In other words, it cost taxpayers roughly 18 family homes to give one house a bit of a lift.
I'm sorry Julia/Tony/Mal, but dropping the best part of $10 million of public loot on renovating a home for people who are rich and powerful to begin with is, frankly, disgusting. Particularly when there was a brilliant means by which bureaucrats could have kept costs much lower and given Australians some ownership of the process.
Yes, I'm talking about The Block: Canberra. Free labour, super cheap materials courtesy of Mitre 10 and other sponsors, plus priceless media exposure for the powers that be.
It's easy to imagine four teams - two attractive couples, a knock-about duo of larrikin tradie mates and a kooky father-and-daughter pairing - having a crack at The Lodge under the guidance of Scott Cam.
Played out against the tense backdrop of the Abbott-Turnbull leadership tussle, The Block: Canberra would've rated its arse off. With 40 rooms, we'd have had 10 episodes culminating in a feel-good team effort to mend the nation's leaky roof.
Since The Lodge has four bathrooms, it would've made perfect sense to kick the series off right there on the tiles ... in a scriptwriter's paradise.
Imagine Scott Cam addressing the contestants lined up nervously before him: "OK, plenty of people reckon the Aussie economy is going down the dunny so, blockheads, each team is going to do their part by completely renovating one bathroom each."
Cue the "dun-dun-daaah" music while contestants look sideways at each other, exchange silent whistles or shake their heads with looks of wide-eyed apprehension.
Cam (feigning bewilderment): "What's the problem? No pressure! It's only something that the Prime Minister himself has specifically asked for!"
Abbott appears like a rock star from behind a Mitre 10 van to take his place next to Cam. "Ahh, ahh um, welcome to The Lodge everybody. A-heh, heh-heh. As you know, I might one day have to flush Vladimir Putin's head in, ahhh, one of these toilets so I want you all to do your very best, OK? A-heh-heh."
Cam: "Righto blockheads, you heard the PM. Let's rip into it!" .......
Later in the episode, Cam inspects the work of tattooed young chippy Mick and his personal trainer girlfriend Tasha as water pools on their bathroom floor, threatening to flood.
Mick: "Yeah, we've got a problem, Scotty. A bit of a drip at the back of this dunny."
Cam: "Strewth mate, that's leaking like a cabinet meeting! You haven't seen Kevin Rudd swing past here at all have ya?"
Mick: "Ha ha. Nahh Scotty, but Tash is seein' if she can get the water supply shut off."
Cam: "Blocking supply? Who do you think you are? Malcolm Fraser circa 1975? Anyways, youse'll need to get it sorted because there might be a spill underway up the road and we don't need to see a bloody spill here."
A change of leadership halfway through the series could've thrown a spanner in the works when the more discriminating, urbane Turnbulls decided they wanted certain rooms re-done. "There's never been a more exciting time for Australians to do a $9.4 million reno!" Mr Turnbull might've urged the contestants
Yes, The Block: Canberra was a great opportunity lost. But of course the Australian Prime Minister has a second residence (not including his gazillion dollar Point Piper mansion): the heritage-listed Kirribilli House. The joint must be due for a $10 million reno - and it's just down the road from Channel Nine! So Mitre 10, Dulux and David Gyngell, you can thank me later.